Food for Thought: My relationship with food and the holidays  

I would like to preference that I am in no way a licensed professional nor am I self-diagnosing myself or anyone with a disorder. This is just my personal story. Also, if you have or are still battling an eating disorder or disordered habits, I first commend you and offer this as a “trigger” of some sorts because in this article I will speak about my eating habits. 

Holidays are for family, fun and (delicious) food. The months of October-December have always been my favorite time of year ever since I was little. But since I was around 15, my relationship with food began to be rocky.  

When I was a freshman in high school, I decided that I was “fat” and needed to lose weight. So, I began to restrict my food or over exercise to compensate for my “binging.” I would exercise after I ate with friends, even at sleepovers or parties.  

This effected my performance in activities like sports. I was a runner for my cross country and track teams all throughout high school, and I noticed a severe improvement once I began to eat more and healthier. When I was a first-year student, my performances were slower, and it was physically harder for me. 

My eating habits got better in terms of eating more, but I have had periods of “binging.” Like a lot of people being stressed makes me want to eat more. It has even been scientifically proven as well that foods release endorphins that combat stress. I noticed that stress eating was affecting me physically and mentally starting this past March when the quarantine hit. 

(I also promise that I will loop back around to the title soon. Just bear (claw) with me.)  

In March, my worry began to grow. As the kids say, I was “stressed to the max.” I kept my past behaviors with exercise and food in the back of my mind, but once I went back to school in the fall, my behaviors showed up again. Only this time, there was less exercise.  

I was feeling extra anxious due to the COVID-19 spikes and being at school. Not to mention, my workload. I knew that things like ice cream would make me happier, so Ben and Jerry’s became my best friends.  

(as I am typing this, I realize how pathetic this sounds.)  

I gained the COVID- 19 in terms of weight. This weight gain affected not just my physical state but my mental as well. Like food, exercise is also proven to release endorphins. I have learned in my 20 years of living that I feel my best when I exercise, which was hard for me to do because of limitations and my shame of having gained weight.  

I would also like to note that I am in no way shaming you if you are okay with weight gain or little exercise because it is nothing to be ashamed of. These are my personal preferences and statements.  

So, I knew that going into the holidays it would be tough. As of now, I am writing this to get my mind off the fact that I just complained to my parents about gaining weight, because I was bored, not to mention the day after Thanksgiving. I also did not get the chance to exercise today.  

Please consider this my personal statement and goal that I am striving to a healthier holiday and self this winter season. Yes, this means I am going to try to lose weight, but I will not restrict myself completely of things like ice cream.  

I am striving for what my mother likes to call a “happy medium.”  

Please also remember, that you are much more than your weight! You are your personality, what you put out into the world. Make sure you put goodness out, and you may just get it back.