Pressure can create diamonds, but it can just as easily split a pipe. Without pressure you cannot change shape or form. Everyone can take only a certain amount of pressure before they break, most people even have more tolerance to pressure in specific situations than others. If pressure is applied too strongly and for too long of a period of time, things can break. This is why people can thrive under pressure in the right conditions but crumble when the conditions are different. Like the majority of people in the world, I have felt the effects of pressure throughout my whole life. Pressure has been the leading factor that shapes my life and the lives of most others.
The lights were standing tall and bright overlooking the turf. Surrounding the parking lot, the breeze was weaving through the trees like invisible hands at work. As my dad held the chains he nodded and gave me a smile, 3rd down and 20 yards to go for the first down. The score read 26-22 and only 2:05 minutes remaining on the clock. I knew it was coming. The signal came in; the fade ball had been called for me. What was the difference? I caught this ball two other times before in the game. My heart was racing from the realization that if I didn’t catch the ball Groton would have a chance to complete the comeback. The pressure was on. Lining up against the cornerback I knew if anything he was just as scared as me because he knew what was coming. I knew I was better than him. I was now given no choice but to lock myself in. I could hear the opposing team’s coach screaming “It’s going to 7! It’s going to 7!” I burst off the line and beat the cornerback by a slim margin while my quarterback dropped back to throw. The ball hung in the air with a little wobble but still spinning and on the trajectory to land directly where I was running to. With my defender only just a step behind me, I knew immediately that I had to go up and get that ball . I jumped up and I came down with that ball to give us the first down. We had secured the win. The pressure I had felt during that time had led to our team winning the game. This is what I mean when I say pressure creates diamonds.
“You wouldn’t understand because mom thinks you’re the golden child, you don’t have the problems in the family.” The table at Karma was silent. My mom had left to go to the bathroom or the more likely scenario to deal with her frustration. My mother, the older sister of a younger brother who got away with everything, was required to deal with her problems on her own. She could not process that my sister needed as much help as she did with her migraines and anxiety. I could see the tears welling up in my sister’s eyes. She really believed that I don’t understand her or how she feels about anxiety or pressure. My dad sat there with his puzzled expression, his black and grey beard sat motionless on his chin. He could say nothing. The golden child is a common misconception because it sounds like a privilege, but it usually isn’t. Instead of freedom, the golden child often carries the pressure of being the one their parents rely on to do well, to perform, to be someone that can represent the family. My sister has never realized the weight that I have carried on my shoulders. She thought that because I made my life look easy that it naturally was that way. She could only see her own troubles regarding her argument and could only feel the pressure that she had weighing on her. Pressure is something that stares everyone in the face every day, and oftentimes people mistake people’s composure under pressure for strength without cost, as my sister did when she thought I didn’t understand her problems. The people around me have always thought that my life is easy because I make it look easy.
The weight of pressure has pushed me down over and over again, but as with lifting a weight I have gotten used to the feeling of the pressure in my life. Walking on to that field I could only think to myself I was finally going to prove myself but little did I know I would be walking away with an injury that would change my life. 4th down and 15 yards to go in the first defensive drive of the game. The quarterback drops back and somehow escapes 3 defensive lineman. Rolling out at me. I can only think to myself I have to get him before he gets the 1st. He stutter stepped, I had no choice but to adjust and lower my shoulder into his thigh. The hit sound makes a pop! My teammates scream “BALL!” but I couldn’t hear them, all I could feel was the constant and relentless pain now moving up and down my arm. It was as if somebody had ripped my arm out and kept hanging on for dear life. My labrum was now torn no more than a few minutes into the game and my shoulder was dislocated.
The injury was so severe that I would have to be put under using ketamine, or its more well-known name horse tranquilizer, to reattach my humerus back to my shoulder. I would soon have to get surgery. I remember that feeling waking up. Knowing that the recovery ahead would take a toll on not only my body but my mind as well. I had four months to recover on what would usually be a 6-month recovery plan. It was a race against the clock. Dislocating my shoulder forced me to confront pressure in its most literal and psychological form. When the injury happened, the head of my humerus was displaced so far downward that my athletic trainer physically couldn’t reduce it. Surgery was unavoidable.
Football and college were coming to me soon and the pressure of my recovery would weigh on me from March to August. The expectation to return quickly created immense pressure to perform and to achieve progress in time I just didn’t have. The urgency really bled into every part of my life. Balancing rehabilitation with the demands of preparing to compete at an entirely new level of football while also entering a rigorous major, intensified my anxiety. What looked like composure on the outside was just a constant internal battle. When I first came out of that sling and couldn’t even push a rubber ball into the wall, I knew this would be a long and rigorous process. It came down to how much pain I could push myself through, how much work I could take on at a time, and whether I could meet the expectation I had placed on myself without falling behind. The recovery was slow but always progressing. I still had doubts almost every day, especially when I wasn’t even allowed to bench press a barbell only two months away from my expected return to football in August, but I kept pushing and improving myself and my attitude. Dislocating my shoulder was the pressure splitting the pipe and my resilience and ability to adapt to the pressure is how I created a diamond.
Pressure has never left my life, and it never will. Pressure influenced so many moments of my life. Catching the pass against my rival school to end the game gave me the confidence to keep pursuing football. The pressure that was set kept me going and gave me confidence to win the game. Being the golden child has brought the pressure with my family. It is hard to feel comfortable talking about the pressure you feel with family but it is something that needs to be addressed and dealt with or you will break. Even an injury can bring so much pressure when you are used to being a way your whole life and have to relearn and adapt to the situation so that you turn out better in the end. What has changed in my perspective is my understanding of it. I have learned that pressure is not something to fear or avoid, but something to respect. In the right conditions, it sharpened my focus and built my resilience; in the wrong situation, it would reveal my limits but would force me to grow. Whether on the field, within my family, or during recovery, pressure has shaped me. Pressure didn’t break me, but taught me when to push and when to adapt. Being so resilient has shown me what I want to do with my life. I want to become an emergency room or ICU nurse. This field will only increase the pressure in my life. The pressure will mold me like it always has. I will adapt and mold myself into the person I want to be. I am not defined by the weight I carry, but how I respond when it presses down.
